Pexels/Donald Tong

In preparation for the preparation of Spring cleaning this year, it’s important to think about what we can chuck to rid our apartments (or houses…in which case you have an attic or something so stop complaining) of clutter. Discounting all of the broken sports equipment and the fact that you don’t cook enough to count your oven as useful, here are some items you have and could certainly live without:

1. Twenty Salt and Pepper Shakers

One pair is more than enough, especially considering that most spices come conveniently prepackaged in the modern world.

2. Old, Generic Birthday Cards

Why is that balloon-spotted Hallmark fifth birthday wish from Grandma still the thing that jams your desk door? All Grandma did was sign the thing. It’s no more sentimental than the one she sent you the year before.

3. Piggy Banks

Only kids really use these, right? Adults usually use them as decoration. Getting the change out is always more of a pain than a load of laundry is worth, anyway.

4. Paperweights

The most useless items to date, no desk requires a paperweight unless you work outside or surrounded by fans.

5. Tea Caddies

Maybe loose tea is getting trendier, but who really cares to deal with that when most tea already comes in bags?

6. Throw Pillows

Who doesn’t want to move several, large, plush items out of the way before flopping into bed each night? You’ve got to love one, last obstacle between you and an uninterrupted night of sleep.

7. Butter Knives

Non-butter-specific knives can spread the stuff, too. Let’s not kid ourselves.

8. Battery-less Flashlights

One of the first items we rush to in an emergency, the flashlight that has never had nor will ever have batteries lives in all of our closets, waiting to foil plans of fixing a blown fuse box or just telling sufficiently creepy ghost stories.

9. Pitchers

Let’s dirty an extra, unnecessary piece of dishware so that our orange juice can travel through three different containers before meeting with our lips. At least your guests will never know you served them Tropicana…

10. A Dictionary

Don’t kid yourself. You, like everyone else these days, look up what words mean on the Internet.

11. Label Makers

These make sense in an office. Owning one at home may just lead you to such acts of extreme boredom as labeling each drawer’s use in your kitchen. No one needs this. Plus, visitors will think you’re crazy.

12. Wire Hangers from the Dry Cleaners

Perhaps you could always use them for emergency contraception … Sorry, poor taste.

13. Every Bag We’ve Ever Been Given

When you wad them all up in the cabinet under your sink, they, for some unknown reason, attract cockroaches.

14. Hotel Shower Caps

It’s surprisingly not that hard to avoid wetting long hair in the shower if you stand in the right place.

15. Rubber Bouncy Balls

Discount store vending machines are to blame for the otherwise inexplicable accumulation of these useless items. They actually end up with net negative use in terms of all the useful household items they tend to damage.

16. Blank CDs

USBs have really taken over the mixed CD (once tape) niche. Now people just use these to decorate for New Years parties, which constitutes some use, I guess.

The post 16 Useless Items We All Own And Never Use appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

NBC/The Office

Few things are more complicated than the subtle and mysterious code used among officemates. For the most part, you’ll probably find yourself working with relatively polite, semi-normal human beings who don’t want to hurt your feelings and are tactful enough not to really say what they’re thinking; however, this can make for a confusing time when you’re trying to navigate the office without getting roped into extra work or forced into awkward social encounters. In order to help you out, here are 15 common things that your coworkers probably want to say, but won’t.

1. I’m going to corner you in the bathroom and talk to you for 15 solid minutes.

Get ready! We’ll plan to meet in like 20 minutes, OK? You’ll try to quickly pee and then leave, but I’ll exit my stall at the exact instant you’re washing your hands, so the only way out is past me. And I won’t let you leave. I hope that doesn’t put a cramp in your plans for the day.

2. I’ll be right with you; I’m just going to spend two more hours looking at shit on BuzzFeed.

We all know I don’t actually do any work, right? Let’s just clear that up right now.

3. I shouldn’t really eat any more doughnuts, but if anyone takes the last doughnut, I will hunt them down and put their head on a spike.

I’m not going to lie to you: I want that last doughnut. I won’t play coy. I won’t pretend I don’t want it and then get pissed when someone else takes it. I won’t slice little pieces off of it and then deny that I did so. I want that doughnut.

4. I understand that you spent a lot of time on this, but I don’t actually care.

It’s really nice that you spent so much time and effort on this, but it means nothing to me. I will either brush it off like it’s no big deal or act like a huge asshole and belittle your work.

5. You’ll really regret working here in about three months.

Welcome to the team! You’re going to hate it here. A few months from now, you’ll spend your sleepless nights dreading the next morning and wishing you had worked at Taco Bell instead.

6. I have no respect for your personal items; in fact, I plan on pushing your salad to the back of the refrigerator this very afternoon.

Let’s not fool each other and act like we care about other people’s stuff. After years of working here, all I care about is me. And my own salad.

7. I hate saying “hi” to people.

Let’s also not waste time with empty pleasantries. How about we make a pact in which neither of us ever says “hi” so we don’t have to worry about greetings and awkward eye contact? We’ll just half-smile, nod and move on.

8. If you knew how rarely this office was cleaned, you’d never come back here.

Just sayin’… your risk of contracting some sort of virus from mouse droppings is pretty high.

9. I’m going to talk to you whenever you most need to concentrate.

So, what are you up to? Working? Have I told you about my 16 hamsters lately? They’re doing quite well, although Mr. Noodles has some kind of hamster flu. I knitted him a onesie so he won’t get cold. Here’s a picture.

10. Please don’t tell me anything about yourself.

I don’t want to hear about your weekend or your stupid vacation. I was stuck here at work all week. I hate my life, and I hate yours, too.

11. Alternatively, tell me EVERYTHING about yourself.

Oh, so you don’t feel like sharing intimate personal information? Well, too bad, because I’m going to ask anyway, and then I’ll overshare about my own life. Got a question about long-seated phobias, insecurities or medical issues? Now’s the time to ask! I’ll tell you even if you don’t ask!

12. Oh, this old thing? I just bought it a week ago because I felt the need to be better-dressed than everyone else.

I’m here to make you feel like an uncoordinated, ill-fitting slob! Everyone tell me how great I look. I insist.

13. I’m going to leave 20 minutes early today for no reason.

I used to leave five minutes early, because who doesn’t? Then I started leaving 10 minutes early to “beat the traffic.” As my time of departure slides ever closer and closer to half an hour early, I know that I can count on you not to rat me out. But I’m the only one allowed to leave this early.

14. Here’s a bunch of crap that I don’t want to do.

I won’t insult your intelligence by pretending that this is a challenging new assignment or that it’s something everyone has to do every now and then; it’s basically just a bunch of terrible work that I don’t want to do, so I’m giving it to you.

15. I’m too afraid to confront this person to their face, but I want you to righteously complain about them with me.

What a jerk! Can you believe them? If I weren’t such a nice person, I’d certainly have some things to say about all this. But I believe in taking the high road, and will therefore give that asshole the cold shoulder for the next two months, even though they probably won’t notice since we almost never talk anyway. Tell me how much you agree; I seriously need your validation right now.

The post 15 Things Your Coworkers Would Say If They Were Actually Honest About Office Life appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Most people would probably be somewhat displeased if they were interrupted by someone creeping up on them during the passionate throes of mating. Tortoises apparently feel the same way. During a Pristine Seas expedition to the Seychelles, expedition leader Paul Rose was drawn toward what he describes as a “powerful, rhythmic grunting” from the bushes and was “delighted” to find that it was two giant tortoises mating.

The tortoises, however, were not as delighted to see Rose. With slow, relentless tortoise determination, the male pursued Rose and his cameraman for about 400 yards, pushing them away from his mating area with the threat of his sharp beak. Eventually, the chase ended, although it was a close thing; as Rose writes on the Pristine Seas blog, “If I hadn’t put on a good finishing sprint we would still be at it.”

The post Watch The Slowest Chase Ever After Explorer Interrupts Mating Tortoises (Video) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

While discussing the topic of Iran recently, C-SPAN asked viewers how much influence Congress should have in negotiations with the country. The network got a call from Jack Strickland, a viewer in Bel Air who is originally from Philadelphia — specifically, West Philadelphia.

Jack informed the C-SPAN anchor that he was discussing the Iran issue with a friend of his in Philly; on a basketball court, to be precise. At some point during this conversation, a couple guys who were up to no good started causing some trouble in the area, so Jack got in a fight. Just one little fight, but his mom got scared. Can you guess where she sent him? I bet you can.

The post Prankster Calls C-Span Claiming To Be The ‘Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air’ (Video) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Proving that it’s actually pretty easy to get into a gated community and fling toilet paper all over someone’s house, prankster Roman Atwood recently did exactly that to Howie Mandell. With the help of Mandell’s wife, Atwood was free to let the toilet paper fly, covering the house in pounds upon pounds of toilet paper — over 4,000 rolls of toilet paper, to be precise.

As you can see in the video above, Mandell was not too pleased when he returned home to find his house covered in 4,000+ rolls of toilet paper.

The post Watch Howie Mandell’s Mansion Get Covered In Toilet Paper In This Insane Prank (Video) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Voicing the question that every human asks every year when Daylight Saving Time kicks in, leaving us staggering out of bed an hour early and confused by the two remaining clocks we forgot to change, “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” has pondered the question of Daylight Saving Time and concluded that it’s pointless.

Most people in the video think that Daylight Saving Time exists because of farmers, but as “Last Week Tonight” points out, farmers don’t want anything to do with it, either; one farmer who was interviewed stated that he doesn’t know anyone whose farming activities benefit from Daylight Saving Time. That’s because in reality, the practice of saving daylight was instituted by the Germans during World War I to save fuel.

However, as the video points out, we no longer consume energy in the same way, and DST often leads to an increase in electricity use, as well as more car accidents and people feeling awful because they lost an hour or sleep. So why do we need Daylight Saving Time? According to “Last Week Tonight,” we don’t. Check out the video and see if you agree with its cow-related logic — and remember, what you lose in sleep, you gain in mortal danger.

The post ‘Last Week Tonight’ Ponders Why Daylight Saving Time Is Still A Thing (Video) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

It seemed like an ordinary day at the mall — until the shadows started following them. Shoppers at an unnamed mall on Long Island got a big surprise recently when, upon passing by what they thought was a blank wall, they were confronted by the shadows of Disney characters ballroom dancing, waving, mimicking people’s gestures and occasionally breakdancing.

According to the Disney blog, the goal was “to surprise and delight people to help remind them that everyone has a side of them that laughs more, plays more and plain has more fun — we call it our Disney Side.”

While the filmmakers were cagy about how the effect was created and how the characters were chosen, it appears that the supposed blank wall was hiding actors in Disney costumes, such as Buzz Lightyear, Mickey Mouse, Cinderella and more. The filmmakers stayed on site for several days, capturing many people’s reactions; according to the blog, “most” of everything you see in the video was a real, spontaneous reaction.

The secret Disney filmmakers were also cagey about whether or not they’d show up at other malls, saying, “You never know.” So if you’re a Disney fan and are eager to have Mickey Mouse be your shadow, keep your eyes peeled the next time you’re at the mall.

The post Disney Characters Magically Stalk Unsuspecting Shoppers (Video) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Listen to that! It’s Weather Channel weatherman Jim Cantore flipping out (in a good way) over the repeated instances of thundersnow that occurred in Boston recently as Winter Storm Neptune raged over New England.

Thundersnow, otherwise known as a thunderstorm that occurs during a snowstorm, often features lightning strikes and thunder, as you might expect from the weather event’s name. It’s also extremely rare; according to Mother Nature Network, only 0.07 percent of snowstorms are associated with thunder. Heavy snowfall is quite common during thundersnows, University of Missouri atmospheric scientist Patrick Market tells MNN, and these events are most likely to happen in late winter or early spring when masses of cold air meet warm, moist air near the ground.

All of this apparently excites Cantore very much. If you think he’s excited for the “twofer” that occurs early on in the video, wait until he sees even more thundersnow. How many times does he witness this thrilling phenomenon? You’ll just have to watch the video and see. Oh, baby. Look at all that cold air meeting warm, moist air near the ground. Just look at it.

The post Watch Weatherman Jim Cantore Freak Out Over Thundersnow (Video) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

Image via Reddit

The following animals are the sweetest, most innocent, least guilty animals you’ll ever meet in your life. They are nothing but cotton candy, rainbows and glitter. They are totally not planning dastardly things. Embrace their adorable shifty eyes and guilty consciences. You know you can’t resist.

1. These best friends.

Image via Reddit

These two are totally not planning anything. Nope. They’re not in the middle of some epically bitter feud that has simmered, unnoticed, under your nose for years.

2. These citizens of Fort Asshole.

Image via Reddit

Cats like boxes; these cats are playing innocently in a box. It’s all normal cat behavior. Nothing to see here.

3. This dog, who maybe tried to eat a bee.

Image via Reddit

He regrets his choice. That doesn’t mean he’s going to admit that anything happened.

4. These goats.

Image via Reddit

Just doing what goats do: jumping on people’s heads.

5. This stalker cat.

Image via Reddit

Just… you know. Hiding in the sink. Totally not stalking you. Totally not planning on hunting you as you attempt to go about your daily business.

6. This cat and his feathers.

Image via Reddit

Nothing to see here aside from a hunter and its prey. You’re probably not next.

7. This other cat, who is not planning anything at all.

Image via Reddit

Definitely nothing involving mice or other small animals… or electronics. This cat is not planning to chew on any of your personal possessions while licking its lips in delight. It would never dream of such a thing.

8. This lurker.

Image via Reddit

Don’t pay attention to this cat as it lurks in the shadows, waiting. Waiting for you. Waiting for things it can pounce on and claw. Or whatever.

9. This cat, who thinks it’s human.

Image via Reddit

This cat is the picture of total innocence as it sits unnaturally on its butt, staring out the door with protruding eyes. It’s really hoping you won’t notice that it’s trying to learn to walk on two legs in preparation for gradually taking over your household.

10. This hedgehog.

Image via Imgur

This hedgehog isn’t doing anything under this hat/bag/tea cozy; she’s just scuttling around in camouflage, biding her time.

11. This dog, who is not stealing the remote.

Image via Reddit

He’s napping, and is totally not scheming to steal the remote.

12. This head cat.

Image via Reddit

Draping oneself over someone else’s head is totally normal. Don’t worry about it.

13. This bed full of cats.

Image via Reddit

They’ve been waiting for you. Not in, like, a sinister way or anything. Just waiting.

14. This playful kitten.

Image via Reddit

Not planning on stealing your chair and sticking its large tongue in your face. Not at all.

15. This dog, who is not planning to take back its bed.

Image via Reddit

This rodent may or may not be squashed by this dog’s butt at some point.

16. This sad puppy.

Image via Reddit

This puppy actually is totally innocent. How can someone with that droopy face and those giant eyes be scheming anything? He is the ultimate in puppy innocence.

The post 16 Adorably Innocent Animals You Won’t Be Able To Resist appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.

What do Goldfish, Pop-Tarts, Rice Krispies Treats and other sugary snacks have in common, aside from being sugary snacks? Apparently they puzzle and repel people from other countries.

In a video posted by sw yoon, Korean girls are offered American junk food, some of which they’ve never tried before. While they appear to like chocolate Rice Krispies Treats, clearly approving of the chocolaty flavor and chewy texture, they’re not as impressed with the other items.

“When it melts in my mouth, it kinda feels like I’m eating belly fat” is how one girl describes Goldfish’s S’Mores flavor. The girls also do not approve of Twizzlers, which one taste-tester describes as like “chewing a rubber.” Mmm… nothing like belly fat and fruit-flavored latex!

The post Korean Girls Try American Snacks For The First Time, Are Not Impressed (Video) appeared first on Wall Street Insanity.