In 1745, the great Benjamin Franklin wrote a letter to his buddy Cadwallader Colden offering advice to “diminish the violent natural inclinations,” which frankly sounds a little sinister. Well, I don’t know what kind of shit Cadwallader was into, but old Ben recommended marriage as a remedy for these urges, arguing that man and woman together make a complete being, and that a married man is more content and likely to succeed.

However, Franklin seemed to know that Colden wouldn’t take his recommended advice, so he provided an alternative strategy: “That in all your amours you should prefer old women to young ones.” He included a list of eight items to back that statement up.

Well, a lot has changed in the roughly 270 years since our favorite kite-flying Founding Father wrote his letter, but some of his points are still relevant today, and the rest are… interesting, to put it diplomatically.

So for this list, we’re going to look at Ben’s advice and just for the hell of it, throw in a few of our own.

1. Older Women Are Worldlier Than Young Ones

This is Ben’s first point, and one that definitely still holds up today. An older woman has been a lot of places and done a lot of things, so she’s more fun to talk to. Sorry if that offends all you 22-year-olds out there, but you’ve got a ways to go before you’re as interesting as you think you are.

2. She’s Independent

This one’s not on Franklin’s list — what with women not even close to having the right to vote in the mid-1700s — but we live in somewhat more enlightened times. When you date a young girl, you’re also dating her group of friends, which is not as fun as it sounds. An older woman doesn’t care what her friends think; she does her own thing.

3. They’re Better In Bed

Franklin alludes to this fact, but it’s not officially on his list. Most younger girls just haven’t learned the tricks of the trade yet. But in their defense, they haven’t had to, because you’re probably busting your nut inside of five minutes, so they don’t really have a lot of time for experimentation. An older woman knows what she wants and knows how to get it from you.

4. They Can Keep It On The Down-Low

Ben points out that older women are more “prudent and discreet,” which is a hard argument to counter. If you’re just in it for the sex, the good news is that she’s probably less emotionally invested in the whole thing than you are, so you don’t have to worry about the gossip machine.

5. She’s Got A Life Of Her Own

Sometimes — not all the time, but enough to make it worth mentioning — young women will abandon all their hopes and dreams and cling to you like glue, inserting themselves into your life and your goals, which can be suffocating. An older woman doesn’t have time for that shit. She’s further along in her career than you are and has already learned the pitfalls of living exclusively for someone else.

6. She Doesn’t Give A Shit About Your Facebook Relationship Status

Oh, Jesus, this one. If you’ve been on more than three dates with a Millennial girl, she’s obsessively checking your profile to see if you’ve updated it, because that’s today’s accepted barometer of where you stand in each other’s lives. The older crowd doesn’t put any (or at least nearly as much) weight on something so ridiculous.

7. When The Looks Start To Go, They Become Better People

Now before you go jumping down my throat, this one’s on Ben. He claims that older women have to be nicer and more generous to maintain any type of influence over men. Take from that what you will.

8. She Picks Up The Tab

You should definitely pick up the check more often than not, but hey, she probably makes more money than you, so why not let her foot the bill for dinner every once in a while? She probably likes doing it.

9. You’ll Grow The Fuck Up

A woman of experience won’t tolerate your goofy-ass shenanigans. You act like an idiot or try to play games with her and you’ll get schooled.

10. You Don’t Have To Worry About Getting Her Pregnant

Okay, this is a Ben Franklin special, and it really makes you wonder how old his idea of an older woman actually was. These days, even if she’s over 40, you’re not off the hook, so maybe don’t toss out the condoms just yet.

11. They Make The First Move

If you’re a young guy, approaching a bona fide cougar can be a little intimidating. She knows it, too, so if she likes what she sees, a little eye contact on your part should be enough to get her to come to you. This gives her the upper hand, of course, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

12. She’ll Clean Your Room And Make Your Lunch

Oh, wait, that’s your mom. If you are attracted to older women, you might want to do a little introspection and figure out the reasons why. If you’ve got some Freudian thing going on, you should probably address that first.

13. Because The Sin Is Less

This is arguable, depending on your level of morality (or lack thereof), but Franklin says that deflowering a virgin and then dropping her will ruin her life. Times have changed, but being any woman’s first is still a big responsibility and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Tread carefully.

14. Less Compunction

For the less literate among us, compunction means a guilty conscience. There’s not much difference in this one from Ben’s list and the one before it, but to apply it to today’s standards, lying to get a woman into bed may work on some of the younger ladies, but if she’s got some experience under her belt (metaphorically speaking), she’s not gonna fall for that shit.

15. She’s Confident

Confidence comes with age. Sure, there are plenty of younguns who seem to have confidence to spare, but it’s usually just arrogance and an inflated sense of self-esteem. An older woman isn’t going to cater to your ego and you don’t need to cater to hers.

16. She Has A Nicer Place Than Yours

And probably no roommates, either. When you’re dating an older woman, you’re gonna be spending more time at her place than yours. This isn’t an excuse to let pizza boxes and dirty socks pile up at your pad, but you don’t have to worry about entertaining company too much.

17. You’ll Learn A Lot

About everything, not just sex and relationships. If you’re just her dumb little fuck-buddy, you probably won’t last too long, but if you’re open to broadening your horizons a little, an older woman could be very good for you.

18. They’re All The Same Below The Waist

OK, Mr. Franklin, I think you’re going too far with this one. He justifies himself with a little 18^th century science, citing the effects of aging as wrinkles and saggy breasts, but when you travel south of the border, everything’s just as good as it ever was. If you’re having trouble getting aroused, no problem! Ben recommends covering her upper half with a basket (yes, seriously) or turning off the light.

Oh, Ben. Wherever you are now, I bet Susan B. Anthony’s ripping you a new one.

19. She’ll Die First

Hey, if you end up with someone 15 years your senior, there’s a good chance she’ll go first. Then you can try going back to 20-year-olds with daddy issues.

20. They Are So Grateful!!

This is how Ben finishes his list, double exclamation points and all. I suppose in his day, women over 30 didn’t get a whole lot of attention, so in his eyes, you’d be doing them a favor.

Ben Franklin may have founded a nation, discovered electricity, and invented bifocals, but he also owned slaves, so he wasn’t right about everything.