Not so long ago, “friend” was a title that had to be earned. If someone was your friend, it meant that you had spent time getting to know that person on a deep level, that the two of you had interests in common and at least some degree of personal chemistry. A friend was someone you hung out with all the time. A friend was someone you would gleefully humiliate in front of a crowd one minute, then back up in a fight the next. A friend was someone you stuck up for. Someone you could count on and who could count on you.

Now, we don’t even have to really know a person to call him a friend. Fucking Zuckerberg. He didn’t have any friends of his own, so he took all meaning out of the word.

I’m just kidding. It’s not all his fault. It’s mostly yours and mine. Zuckerberg gave us the gun, but we’re the ones who pulled the trigger.

Shimi Cohen’s new video “The Innovation of Loneliness” lays it all out in a pretty entertaining way. The rise of social networking has actually diminished our real-life social activity to the point where we’ve all completely isolated ourselves from the world. We feel like we’re all a bunch of social butterflies because we’re always texting and tweeting and posting and whatever-the-fuck-ing, and it feels like we’re always surrounded by people who care about us and are hanging on our every word. But the truth is, when we do those things, we’re usually alone in the physical sense, or at the very least, shutting out the world and the real live people around us.

So get off your fat ass and do something real. Stop judging yourself by how many Facebook friends you have—that doesn’t mean shit. In fact, go ahead and delete everyone you’ve never met. Now delete everyone you haven’t talked to in over a year. How many “friends” do you have left? Yeah, that’s what I thought.