So you’ve got a job interview coming up. If you’re nervous, that’s normal; if you’re frantically running through every conceivable scenario in which this interview could crash and burn, that’s a little less normal, but there’s still hope for you — all you need are a few pointers on what not to do during your upcoming interview. Memorize the following 21 tips, don’t follow any of them and you’ll be on your way to success!

1. Don’t tell them your real name.

2. Dress in historical costume.

3. Act like you’re better than everyone there.

4. Show up drunk.

5. Tell them you have no idea how to use any of the technology you see in front of you.

6. Start talking about TV shows your interviewer has never seen and doesn’t like.

7. Ask the person interviewing you if they have a case of the Mondays.

8. Show no respect for older generations.

9. Go on a huge power trip before you’ve even been hired.

10. Shriek at your interviewer about how you are clearly the best and only person for this job.

11. Explain your deep and abiding love for pranks.

12. Be openly hostile the second you walk in the door.

13. Admit that what you did at your last job was primarily nothing.

14. Mention that you’ll do anything to get this job… literally anything.

15. Flirt with your interviewer.

16. Pretend you’re a character from ‘Star Wars.’

17. Admit your weird vices within five minutes of walking in.

18. Start a feud to the death with a total stranger.

19. Discuss your various bowel conditions.

20. Scorn your interviewer’s opinions and lifestyle.

21. Show them how utterly uncaring you are about everything that has to do with this job.

Happy interviewing!