Millennial women are nowhere near passionless, but their attitudes about love are smart and well-informed. She’s not looking for perfection (because it doesn’t exist, obviously), but she’s looking for the right feeling, and she’ll know when she finds it, even though it’s not about “finding” anything … you know?

You probably don’t know, and that’s why it’s worth taking the time to learn some of the ideas millennial women have about love that you probably wouldn’t have expected.

1. Loving you does mean leaving you.

More people these days believe more in letting their lovers fly if things aren’t working out, as opposed to working fiercely to keep them around. There are plenty of fish in the sea, says the internet, where you can find your next date literally on a site called Plenty of Fish.

2. Gifts are more suspect than romantic.

If a millennial woman gets a gift from someone she’s just started dating, or even from her long-time partner, she’s more liable than her predecessors to think, What did he or she do to warrant a gift? Did I forgot our anniversary or something? What did I do??

3. Chivalry is sexism in a feeble disguise.

A male partner holding a door open for a millennial woman may get a sneer rather than a smile. Like most everything else, chivalry was born out of a culture of sexism, and she’ll remind her male partner of this fact.

4. Best friends can make the best lovers.

Don’t be worried about “being put in the friend zone.” Friendships make for a solid relationship foundation, and lots of women will look for love in comfortable places these days.

5. Finding love is terrifying because it means surrendering independence.

Love and independence have historically been quite intertwined for women, so it’s no big surprise that educated women understand this history and are sensitive about it. Millennial women tend to be hyper-aware of the idea of female oppression through marriage.

6. “Falling in love” is a notion confined to less jaded generations.

How can you be so naïve as to try and unify a feeling that is completely unique and special in every single human being?

7. Close friends are just as good as, if not better than, romantic lovers and can serve as an acceptable replacement for the latter.

Committed, monogamous, romantic relationships are dated now that we humans know better — divorce rates have consistently shown that we’re not necessarily meant to mate for life. Why not have sex on the side and reserve the people you really trust for lifelong partner status?

8. You can take the temperature of your relationship by text messages.

The tone and the frequency indicate everything a millennial woman needs to know about your feelings for her.

9. Love at first sight no longer has to take place in person.

It can happen on Tinder … but she’s not taking it seriously, regardless.

10. Being in your Facebook profile picture means your feelings for her are legit.

It means you’re not afraid to show others how much you love her, and you’re not self-conscious about your status as a couple.

11. Break-ups aren’t necessarily goodbyes.

People break up and get back together all the time these days. Maybe it’s because of social media, where an ex-lover can easily pop up on your feed and remind you of how good the good times were … and be just as easy to get in touch with.

12. Love does mean having to say you’re sorry.

Apologizing for your mistakes and admitting you’re wrong is much more romantic to modern women than sweeping problems under the rug in the guise of true love.

13. You can’t change someone just because you love them, and don’t even try.

Accepting people for who they are is the game, now — not saving a bad boy or making some kind of project out of improving your romantic partner.

14. In fact, love isn’t a game at all.

It’s more like a friendship. Drama is just another name for a bad relationship.

15. “Practical matches” are for people from a couple generations ago.

Though millennial women may be more practical in how they deal with their partners, they’re not choosing them because they’re going to provide the most comfortable lifestyle, or fit in snugly with their family’s expectations.

16. Sex may cause chemical feelings of attachment in women … but it’s not going to trick anyone into feeling love.

The millennial woman has learned to conquer the strong emotions that can accompany otherwise loveless sex, even though she understands that her body may just make her feel them sometimes.

17. The “perfect mate” doesn’t exist.

Luckily, she’s not looking for him or her. She’s just maybe hoping she’ll meet someone who turns out to be her best friend, shares some of her values, and is well above average in bed.