Well, it’s always fun to piss people off by pointing out things that are generally (but no, not always) true about a specific sector of the population. Some of you people are so goddamn sensitive, it’s hard not to try and push your buttons. But that’s not exactly what I’m doing here today.

These aren’t things about women that “need to change.” These fall more under the category of “why bother?” Now, a lot of the items on this list are the equivalent of “men like sports” or “men obsesses about their penises.” These things will continue to go on no matter how many douche bag internet columnists make lists about them. So, go nuts, ladies. Continue to do all, some, or none of the things on this list. Just know that men don’t care about any of them.

1. Shoes

We will never understand this obsession. Never. We stopped trying decades ago.

2. Nails

As long as they’re not all scraggly and don’t (inappropriately) scratch us during sex, we couldn’t care less about your mani/pedi.

3. Make-Up

You want to use a little to subtly enhance a thing or two, great. But the more time you spend in the mirror painting your face, the less real you look.

4. Celebrity Gossip

Please shut up. We don’t care. We. Don’t. Care.

5. What You Order For Dinner

There seems to be a misconception that men analyze what a woman orders at dinner and somehow uses that information in some sort of profiling strategy. We don’t. Go ahead and order the ribs.

6. Making The First Move

This is one aspect of male/female interaction in which feminism has made little progress, and the one men are rooting for the most. Come over and talk to us, text us first, ask us out. It won’t offend our egos.

7. A Few Extra Pounds

It really doesn’t matter if you’re tight from head to toe. We don’t need you to spend five hours in the gym every day, or even just look like you do. Most of us like our girls to be a little soft.

8. Gifts

We give them to you because we’ve been taught that’s how to show you we care. But outside of birthdays and holidays, you really don’t need to give us anything. We probably don’t want it.

9. Age

It’s infuriating how often women lie about their age. We could give a shit about five years plus or minus. Unless of course, you’re under 18. We do care about that. And if we don’t, we will when we get arrested.

10. Height

Most women like tall guys; we know that. But there’s no such thing as too short or too tall to us.

11. Past Boyfriends/Husbands/Hookups

I mean, look: You’re a beautiful woman. We know you’ve had some dicks in you. Just don’t feel the need to tell us about all of them in some sort of nervous confession. We don’t want to think about that.

12. Whatever They Think Is Wrong With Their Boobs

They’re fine. Trust me. They’re fine.

13. That Bitch At Work

Yeah, we’ll listen to you complain about that woman (sometimes a man, but usually a woman) you hate. But we’re pretty sure she’s not really out to destroy you.

14. How They Measure Up To “Her”

Whoever “she” is. We like you for who you are.

15. Social Status

I guess there are some guys who think about how they measure up against certain people, but women are sure as hell a lot more vocal about it.

16. Hand Bags

“Isn’t it cute?” If you say so. We have no idea.

17. Body Hair

A smooth leg is nice sometimes, and we know you spend a lot of time and effort getting other places just right, but we’ll take it or leave it.

18. Cellulite

It takes a real douche to get turned off by this. Just about every woman has some, and the only thing that bothers us is you complaining about it.

19. Eyebrows

Seriously. Pluck them if they’ve grown together, but overly-shaped eyebrows make you look like an alien or a clone or something.

20. Cleanliness

Yeah, most guys would live in filth if they could do that and still get laid. Thanks for making us pick up after ourselves, but do we really need the whole goddamn place smelling like lavender?

21. Organic Food

I don’t know. I eat pretty much whatever I want, and I get sick less than every woman I’ve ever dated. Stop coddling your digestive systems so much.

22. Jewelry

We only notice it if it’s something we gave you.

23. Facebook

We’re only there to meet girls. If we’ve got one, we don’t have that same need to post pictures and status updates.

24. Going To The “Right Place”

Again, we usually only go anywhere to meet girls. It doesn’t matter to us how hip and trendy a restaurant is. We’d be fine with Outback Steakhouse, but we know you wouldn’t be caught dead in a chain.

25. Having It All

Don’t be so fucking greedy. There’s nothing wrong with ambition, but if what it takes to make you happy is everything, you’re going to live a life filled with disappointment.