Insecurity is the root of a lot of issues in relationships. You’ve undoubtedly heard it said before that solid relationships are built on trust, or at least something to that effect, and I think most people would find that difficult to argue with. You can’t be around each other every moment of every day (and you probably shouldn’t want to), so there has to be a solid degree of trust between you or you’re flat-out doomed.

The thing about insecurity in a woman is that it can sometimes be hard to spot — or worse, sometimes you think it’s a good thing. You will definitely feel like you have the upper hand in a relationship with an insecure woman, and a lot of dudes consider that a huge win. But believe me when I tell you it’s like walking through a minefield, and in the best-case scenario, you’ll have more of a sidekick than an actual partner in life. Or — in the worst-case scenario — you’ll wake up one day to find your pecker has been cut off and flushed down the toilet.

But here’s the thing about insecurity: It can be cured. So if you really like this girl, you should try to help her build up her self-esteem, and there’s a good chance that will fix the problem. Encourage her to have a life of her own. Examine your own behavior and see if you’re contributing to the issue. We’re all works in progress, and sometimes we need some help to become the best people we can be.

So if she demonstrates any of the signs below, don’t bail right away. Help her out. It might be the best thing you ever did. Either that, or you’ll end up in a living hell. Life is full of gambles.

1. Jealousy

It’s flattering when your woman is jealous. It’s proof that she cares about you. A little is fine and perfectly normal, but you should be able to tell when she’s moving into bunny-boiler territory.

2. She Thinks Every Other Woman Is Out To Steal You Away From Her

Like I mentioned, it’s flattering when someone thinks you’re the shit, but don’t believe the hype. You’re not that special.

3. She Inserts Herself Into Every Conversation You Have With A Woman

Most of us can tell when we’re being flirted with, but an insecure woman assumes every conversation you have with someone of the opposite sex is going to lead to you dumping her for an upgrade, so she always swoops in to intervene.

4. She Accuses You Of Ogling Every Attractive Woman You See

This is difficult to defend against, because after all, you are a man. We’re always checking women out, but unless you’re a complete douche, you’re probably not drooling with your eyes popping out of your head, and that’s basically what she’s accusing you of.

5. She Needs To Know Your Exact Whereabouts At All Times

And God help you if you’re not where you said you’re going to be.

6. She Looks Through Your Phone

She’s more aware of your texts and missed calls than you are.

7. She Goes Through Your Internet Search History

If she finds any porn or — oh, shit — that you’ve visited a dating site (even if it was just a pop-up ad), you are screwed.

8. She’s Constantly Seeking Validation

“Do you love me?” “Do you think I’m pretty?” “I’m smart, right?” Like you’re going to answer “no” to any of these questions, anyway. Solicited compliments have no real value, but she feeds on them.

9. Guilt Trips

If you’re doing something without her, she’ll probably “let” you, but you’re going to hear about how she feels left out.

10. She Compliments Herself

When she reminds you of how lucky you are to have her, she’s really telling you the opposite.

11. She Runs You Down

Textbook manipulation. She doesn’t feel good about herself, so she’s trying to make you feel the same way, hoping you’ll believe you can’t do any better than her.

12. She Drives Wedges Between Your Friends And Family

She wants to be the only person in your life, so she methodically attempts to alienate you from everyone you care about.

13. She’s Bossy And Domineering

This is just an attempt to control the relationship, and by extension, you. She’s making all the decisions in an effort to limit your options.

14. She’s Clingy

We all want to feel needed by our partners, but we also want some degree of independence. Not her. When she’s in a relationship, there is no “you” or “I,” only “we” and “us.”

15. She Abandons Her Friends For You

Again, we all cut down on time with our buddies when we’re in a relationship, but hers have completely vanished to the point where you’re wondering if they ever even existed in the first place.

16. She Takes On All Your Interests

You’re going to like this at first. She likes all the movies you like, reads all the same books and is content to watch you play video games for four hours. But she’s not bringing anything to the table, and you’ll get bored pretty quickly.

17. She Freaks Out If You Don’t Answer A Text

Sometimes we’re too busy to answer right away, and then we forget. She’ll make you feel like you just left your baby in the grocery store.

18. She Pops In

If she shows up at your home, your office or guy’s night out, it’s not because she wanted to give you a pleasant surprise. It’s because she expected to catch you doing something you shouldn’t.

19. She Can’t Take Criticism

Relationships are all about give and take and establishing boundaries. If you suggest some area of improvement and she takes it way too hard, you might just stop bringing up those things altogether and end up miserable.

20. People Always Let Her Down

Insecure people do tend to get abandoned (because they’re annoying as hell), and she has no shortage of stories that end with her getting screwed over. Watch out if you’re considering diminishing those feelings, no matter how insane they sound.

21. When The Shit Hits The Fan, It Goes Everywhere

If you’ve crossed some line with her, even inadvertently and even if it’s no big deal in your opinion, you are in for it, my friend. Overreactions are the hallmark of the insecure.

22. She Over-Apologizes

Feel like you’re dating Ike Turner? She goes nuts on you over some little thing, then moments later wants to cuddle up and tell you how much she loves you? This is crazy-town.

23. She Belittles Anyone Else’s Achievements

They cheated, their accomplishments are meaningless, they don’t deserve it, etc. It’s like no one is worthy of any kind of success except for her.

24. She’s A Sore Loser

Even if it’s just a game of cards. It will ruin her night and she’ll do her best to make sure it ruins your night and the night of anyone else who is unfortunate enough to be nearby.

25. She Takes Joy In The Misfortune Of Others

Does she laugh when she sees an old person fall down? Does she celebrate when someone she doesn’t like gets fired or dumped? That’s not just insecure. That’s mean.

26. She reads into everything

You make an innocuous comment about how you’re glad the weather’s cooling down and she accuses you of calling her fat.

27. She’s Constantly One-Upping You

You tell her how much you got done today and she insists she did more. You tell her you about a trophy you got as a kid and she tells you about the time she was in the paper. You tell her you love her and she says, “Not as much as I love you.” It never ends.

28. She Reminds You Of Your Mistakes

Insecurity causes people to define themselves by their failures, and she’s going to try to drag you down that road, too.

29. She’s Materialistic

Money and possessions are quantitative things that insecure people can point to as proof that they’re doing well in life. They don’t believe it themselves, but they believe they can trick others into believing it.

30. She Always Has To Have The Last Word

Even if she has to sneak it in under her breath. Try living with that for any length of time.